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As I roam back home on the Dublin-Pleasanton BART train, a lingering thought that I’ve been trying to process continues to peck at my brain, leaving it loud and restless. I’ve always been an observer of nature and people. Systemically, I find correlation and causation in the endless combination of the two, and it gives me a bit of comfort in continue to strive to understand the universe that we have come to exist in.
It seems premature to say, but in the past months I’ve grown to learn and love faster than I ever have before. There’s a single growing idea that has been planted in my mind, and it continues to grow as fast as my love.
The idea of perfection, a firmly placed concept that dictated and ran my life grows weaker each day. When we’re young, we latch onto perfect as motivation, confirmation, and we let it guide us through life. Perfect test scores, perfect job, perfect life, perfect love. Though it seems difficult to obtain, perfect is simple conceptually. Thus we’ve learned to let it run our lives, something akin to a carrot on a stick for daily existence. Yet I continue to grow weary of the idea of perfect, because more than anything, perfect is an aesthetic quality.
I continue to notice this pattern and although I not yet dare to say I fully understand it, I feel that love and compassion for things, people, relationships… perfect doesn’t complete it. As I continue to reach out and love someone, the extension of my soul fills and fits the grooves and cracks of another human being, and it is these small grooves and indentations that give a true understanding of character and identity. The idea of perfect was generated in our lives from an odd combination of self-desire and knowledge of what others view as perfect, and can never truly be complete because as bland and stereotypical as the idea is, each person gives a slightly different version of it in perception of the world, thus to be perfect in one’s eyes probably means they’re not perfect in their eyes, or anyone else’s for that matter. It’s such a tiresome and fruitless endeavor. I’m starting to see beyond the idea, and it really makes me appreciate and love all the things and people that are around me, and I can say I’m feeling much happier about life and my interaction with people than less than a year ago. I’m not sure if I’m able to articulate this idea properly, but I hope that people as they grow learn it and embrace it as well, as I’ve found a sense of peace and happiness that I’ve never had before.
That being said, EDC was amazing. The extra money spent traveling and lodging in Las Vegas was worth it, and I dare say that I’m looking forward to attending next year. When we first entered the stadium, there was a gasp and a sense of awe as we surveyed the site, 5 spacious stages and carnival attractions filled the horizon with shifting lights and soothing music. The scene somehow blends with the sinful lights of Las Vegas, but offers three nights filled with PLUR and intense happiness.
I think that this rave was the best one I’ve been to, not only because of the accommodations, but rather those in attendance. My friends and family, and my lovely girlfriend. There has been a huge paradigm shift for the rationale for me to go to raves, first it was to lose myself in pleasure, dilated pupils scanning the horizon for an endless sea of changing LED lights, the postcoital sensation of skin on skin, raw animal lust. After that grew tired, raves became somewhat of an introspective event, filled with deep inner thought as the rhythm massaged my brain, trying to come to some sort of conclusion of the past and indicate a reasonable direction for my future. Now, it has become an extension of my happiness, used as not as a catalyst, but rather to further the love and happiness I feel on a daily basis. Going with Sarah and my cousin gave me a chance to feel what connection I had with them, and live for nights going slightly beyond what I already knew. It gave me such happiness to see the people I love, the music I love become one as the DJs gave me the rhythm in which to feel and extend my sense of happiness with others. Confessions were made in the act of rolling, but no feelings were manufactured with the endless release of endorphins, but rather enhanced. Thoughts and sayings were earnest, true to the heart, and I dare say that the ‘e-crush/affection’ curse that lasts only a few days didn’t exist. All the feelings continue to run strong, and they’ll continue to run that way. Pictures and videos don’t begin to describe what transpired there, but we cling onto them to enhance our vivid memory of some of the greatest times of our lives. I feel that one day looking back onto that threeday weekend, we’ll remember not only the music or the sights, but rather the feelings that were enhanced and continue to affect our lives daily.
